I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
