Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
