dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
