Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
