it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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