At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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