Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
