You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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