Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
