Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
