Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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