they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
