..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
