I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We don't watch enough power rangers
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
