Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
