i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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