I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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