We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
