We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You made out with two different species that night
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
