Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
