haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
