so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
