Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We left an ass print on the piano.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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