i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
