I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
