i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
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