she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize