Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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