my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Is it because I queefed?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She told me I should be a condom model.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Mom said you looked used
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
