no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Randomize
