his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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