woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
