...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
