Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
