he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
