why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
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I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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