i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He did a backflip because drugs
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
