sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
its liver damage thursday
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
