We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize