I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
