I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
