My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
