we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
