you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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