my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She's the barista slut.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
