I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
