I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Four minutes until I can fart!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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