i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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