the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
