I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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