i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
