we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so let's talk penis.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
