I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
