Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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