You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
