I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
