I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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