God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
