I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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