i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
