can we get nightvision for the apartment?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
