I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
