they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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