This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
