I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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