So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
handjob tips. give me some.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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