you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
