I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
