break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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