I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You are the jesus of drinking
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
