the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
